Be Useful

Creative Misery

2012-01-18T08:46:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up my dad would often recite this saying "What a wonderful world this would be if I liked others as much as I like me". I don't know where he learned this but he would often repeat it when one of us kids were being negative or beating ourselves up.

I am constantly amazed at the depth of creativity that it takes to actually believe some of the negative self talk that people are constantly creating. Truthfully, I am fairly creative in this way myself from time to time. So the question I have is "what if that creativity was channeled into positive beliefs and actions. What types of joy and happiness could be created if we spent our efforts on enhancing our strengths and seeing our own beauty and light.

I'm sure you have all heard the Kenny Rogers song "The Greatest". What could we do if we all saw ourselves in that way excusing folly and embracing talents and effort. Watch this video and consider the way you talk to yourself.

Kenny Rogers "The Greatest"

What's At Risk Anyway?

2011-09-08T16:01:00.000-07:00

As a professional counselor I deal constantly in relationships. Friends, spouses, partners, co-workers, neighbors and the list goes on and on. In fact, it is rare that someone attends counseling when their relationships are going well. It seems that most life problems are connected to other people and experiences with individuals in various settings.

So it seems like any relationship is just an open door for breaches of trust, hurt feelings and so forth, yet we all crave loving and supportive connections with others. As I ponder this, I wonder what it is that I am risking when I am in a relationship of any kind with another person. It seems that we place so much of our own value on being "accepted" by others and treated the way we would like to be treated that we don't actually look at ourselves for who and what we are.

For instance, if I like chocolate (which I do) and I go to a restaurant that offers a tempting chocolate dessert then it seems like my love for chocolate and the restaurants dessert are meant to be complimentary.. However, I order the chocolate and take a large bite only to discover that the chocolate is not what my mouth longed for. I put down my fork and push the chocolate aside. Now, is the chocolate bad or not good enough or unworthy of me. No, simply, it is not to my liking. So many times in relationships we consider ourselves rejected, unworthy or unequal to others when they do not respond to us favorably. So I wonder who is it that decides who is good and who is not? Who is okay and who is lacking?

For me, the answer is God decides who is okay and he responds by saying we are all okay. Sure, at times he is pleased or displeased with our actions but he has endless love, support and true compassion for our struggles. So I guess when I base my value or appeal upon the views of others then what I risk is great and what I stand to lose is even more profound. Yet, when I say to God please show me what you think of me then he will add light to my eyes and understanding such that I can see that even if I am rejected of men and women I am still okay and in fact I am exactly the way God intended me to be. To all of you out there who feel judged, misunderstood or less than others please realize one thing. You are. When you take that risk you almost always lose because of the value you place upon their opinions and actions. Go ahead and reach out to others for connection, companionship and support and find joy in loving and sustaining others and happiness in being loved and valued. Just realize though that the source of real love comes from the manifestation of the creator in the lives of your friends, companions, trusted associates and most profoundly in you.

What is happiness really?

2011-08-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just wonder about strange things. Like happiness for instance. This past weekend I took my son camping and hunting in the mountains about an hour from where we live. It was beautiful. The weather was mild, the mountains gorgeous and we enjoyed our hike despite the fact that we didn't see the type of wildlife we were looking for. As I walked off of the mountain with my son and it began to get dark I recalled many times when I used to make the same type of treks with my own father. I found myself recalling with fondness those days when I too was 12 years old.
When we got back to our camp and crawled into our tent and munched down on cold pizza for dinner (yes I am a horrible cook) we just had a great time. My son likes to look at the stars and constellations and we used an app on my phone to identify many of them. What an incredible opportunity to spend time with my son which I would love to do more. The following day we were riding on our ATV when we stumbled on to two hunters who had been lost in the mountains for the entire night. We helped them get back to their camp and their family was happy to see them and called off the search and rescue effort. On the way back to our camp and on to home my son said, "Dad, what are your two best highlights of the summer"? Knowing he wanted to tell me his I said, I'm not sure, what are yours. He said, "going on a cruise as a family this summer and camping and hunting this weekend and saving those lost hunters". I said to him, you know bud I think that is the same for me.

Now that is happiness.

So often I get lost looking for happiness and it has been right there in front of me the whole time. I know that there are different types of happiness but for today I choose to focus on this one.